Reflected intentionality

Priorities...

I have spent my life giving so much to others, and being seemingly ignored back. I invest my time, energy, and resources into others because I truly do love to serve and see them happy and fulfilled. But it hurts me greatly when this investment is not returned.

I tell myself, it's not important, that we just have different love languages, that our relationship isn't measured by normal standards... Bah. I just desire some reflective intentionality. I want to feel appreciated and sought after, my friendship pursued and valued. I want to called when they are in town, texted a picture that reminded them of me, etc.
I want a relationship, a two-way street.
Is that truly too much to desire?

Suffocating passion

What is passion and can it be suffocated?
I feel the air has been knocked out of me, like I've been in a vacuum.
What is passion? I know in my head what I've been called to do; But my heart hesitates. I've been surviving for so long putting what I thought were dreams on hold in order to meet my basic needs...
But isn't your passion, your calling, something that you can never hide or fight? I mean, I have this expectation that if I was truly passionate about something, the nothing would stand in my way, but is that the truth.?
When finally confronted with an opportunity to put my "passion" to use in a 'professional' setting, I was asked to rethink and pray about it.
Why?
I struggle to breathe, fear envelopes my heart and threatens to stifle me.

Oh God, please speak the truth and may I open my ears to your voice only.

All that we might see Christ ... John 12:21

We would see Jesus. John 12:21
By Charles spurgeon

"Is this thy condition, my reader, at this moment? Hast thou but one desire, and is that after Christ? Then thou art not far from the kingdom of heaven. Hast thou but one wish in hthy heart, and that one wish that thou mayest be washed from all thy sins in Jesus' blood? Canst thou really say, "I would give all I have to be a Christian; I would give up everything I have and hope for, if I might but feel that I have an interest in Christ?" Then, despite all thy fears, be of good cheer, the Lord loveth thee, and thou shalt come out into daylight soon, and rejoice in the liberty wherewith Christ makes men free."

I often read passages and words like the above and question my pursuit of Christ. Is Jesus my one desire? Is my one wish to be washed in his blood? My mind speaks the logical truth of this, my heart affirms this aching, but does my life reflect the desire?

Everyday we encounter an onslaught of sinful and heavenly desires, wishes, and dreams; but do we, do I, choose to set my eyes and heart upon that which is true and holy?
Expectations flood us of what is looks like to seek after a life dedicated to searching out the heart of god; but do we, do I choose to pursue those expectation rooted in Jesus Christ?

Does my life reflect a sacrifice? While Jesus Christ is the only pure sacrifice, am I positioning my life on the alter to be used to further God's kingdom?

From first breath to last cry, may my heart, mind, and soul seek to desire the father who created all, the spirit who guides all, and the son who gave all.